No Pressure

When you take a few steps back, talk to people, and realize where you stand, life makes more sense and paths start clearing out for you; it's up to you to choose which one you want to take.

Lets just put it out there...last year was simply appalling! I learned a lot about myself physically and mentally, but the results were nowhere near expectations nor a reflexion of my work. I'm sure I am not the only one in this world that complains about this, which means I'm not that special and I should quit while I'm ahead...complaining wise. 

Here is the "goals versus results" list:

- Qualification for small boats French Nationals --> did not qualify (sick)

- Podium at French Nationals --> C final

- Race at US trials --> did not race (missing ECG report + fine)

Before I finish this point, I'd like to mention that USRowing should not tell 4 days before racing that a rower is missing an ECG report when they have been entered for 2 weeks.

It's always about analyzing what you can change to be or do better in the future. By talking with people that are outside your bubble, you can establish what it is that went wrong and/or right. For me, I've pinpointed the fact that I'm a smaller rower and I don't have extraordinary physical capacities, but I have a lot of heart and passion. So instead of ruining my days worrying about how I'm going to do on this test or how much of this and that I have put in, I've learned how to not care and just see where my work takes me; NO PRESSURE. 

This summer I lifted as many times as I wanted, I ate what I wanted, and I had fun like I wanted without worrying about how these things might affect me. I believe that this will help with how I train and perceive the sport. I'm not giving up, but I am changing my philosophical and mental game for this year. 

This fall is looking pretty fun starting with Sprint Nationals (500m) in the 8+ and going right back into the 1x for some fall racing. I can't wait to see some improvements that I have made technically and physically. 

Until then, check out some of the fun I've had in the last 6 months.

Much love. 

When you get comfortable...

In my last post, I kept my thoughts very broad and didn't go too much into detail about my training and goals so this will clear things up.

During the summer, while I'm taking a break, I think of what I would like to accomplish or what has been missing that could make me happier inside, even if its slightly unrealistic. Don't we all love underdogs?! So as I turned in my application for my master's program, my athletic goals were brought up: what do you plan on accomplishing in the next year? With that question I decided to create two groups because fixating on one goal is mentally grueling especially if you don't succeed. 

As a primary goal I wanted to win the French National Championships with my teammates in whatever category because that's a medal I haven't really been able to attain. To do so, a lot of training needed to be done due to the high level of the leading guys on our team. 

My secondary goal was to qualify for small boat nationals in the single and perform as well as I could against the elite. If that were to be a success, university national team spots would be in contention. 

So I'll recap how my current status holds up next to these goals. 

With a lot of good training and pushing myself to row the single as well as I could (a lot of technical changes were made), I felt confident I could contend with the best during the week leading up to the regional qualifiers. Knowing that only the top 10 could qualify (the top 4 were preselected and given a free pass due to their elite status and spot on the national team) which left truly only 6 spots behind them, it made things very interesting and exciting. As much as we try to keep ourselves healthy, somethings are out of our control and that Thursday I got the stomach flu. Of all times right... But I still decided to go down the course feeling awful just to tell myself the last 6 months of training by myself weren't for nothing. I actually believe that I was more upset than sick when I got home and lets just say I spent 5 days in and out of the bathroom... 

Now I'm left with an entire goal that I couldn't even give a try at; so disappointing. With these slight dark moments, some rays of light do poke through. Some of my teammates and I bit the bullet and took an 8 hour bus ride from Paris to London in the middle of the night to spend an entire day in London for my birthday. Why London? Because that day was the BNY Mellon Boat Race and if you know me well, I'm a fangirl! What an amazing experience and a wonderful way to spend my 24th birthday.

Onto the next goal. As much as I trained and was complimented on the work I was putting in, things felt neutral leading up tot his week. On Wednesday, we had a meeting to announce the lineups for Nationals. To my eyes, I wasn't well taken into consideration for the results I had put out, but you can't always fight the system , which leaves me now in the second boat: the quad. I'm not going to lie, the first 24 hours, every scenario and negative thought rampaged through my head, but I learned to accept my faith. It's not the first time this has happened and I am sure it won't be the last. With acceptance, I face a new challenge. The quad this year is predicted to be an extremely hard event but that truly doesn't scare me because who doesn't love an underdog, right? And this is actually fitting for the upcoming months. 

On Sunday morning we leave for a week training camp in the South of France and I plan to make my body hate me, in other words put in a lot of good strokes and hard ones too. After Nationals are over, I'll be heading back to Jacksonville in June to finally join Emily after a very long wait and to pick back up where I left off with the single. I'll be transferring from a Filippi into my Hudson and I have no doubt that it won't make the slightest of differences. I have a few quality races I'm planning on attending but I'll keep that to myself for now. 

We can plan all we want, nothing happens as designed. You might read this and think "Well everything went down the drain for him..." but to me it's all part of a larger picture that needs obstacles for the biggest reward. 

Much love. 

New Chapter

This year, 2015, will stay in the history as one of the worst beginnings for France. It's been a sad week and I can't stop thinking about what I would like to do with my life and what I want to accomplish. I think writing my thoughts down again will help continue fueling my experiences, and allowing my friends and family to endure what I go through, good and bad, because life seems to be stopping at every corner lately.

I haven't looked at this page in a very long time and it's been a true walk down memory lane. Has it been that long? All I know is it's all very different.

I have started a new chapter in my life, similar to the previous one, but in a very different context.
If you haven't noticed yet, I live in Nogent-sur-Marne, France where I grew up and left when I was fifteen. I chose this specific place for multiple reasons: to reach goals I had set before graduating college.

The main reasons for coming back to France and putting my "American life" on hold are a step in the right direction to get closer to my dreams in every area of my life.

In academics, school was a tough decision because I couldn't find an institution in the U.S. that satisfied my interests in exercise science and wasn't going to leave me like many of my fellow graduates: broke. Luckily, a few minutes away from home is the mecca of elite sports, INSEP (National Institute of Sport, Expertise, and Performance), where a master's program caught my attention and I was able to make the cut to be part of the small class accepted. On another note, school in France is practically free compared to the U.S.
Training has never left my thoughts for one moment even while I took a long break this past summer to clear my mind, enjoy my life, and reboot for what seems to be a fast pace year. With only one thing one my mind, getting faster has become an obsession, and my Filippi single that is currently drying from my last session has been my best friend and confidant while I put in long hours fixing small details to find more speed.  After what I will most likely call one of the worst experiences of my life, I could only choose to go forward and up. A small hint, I believe I was unjustly thrown away by the very same program I gave everything to, but that is all in the past now. Things are the opposite at the moment. Here, I am able to walk to practice within 1 minute (I live next door), have an entourage of skilled and willing athletes and coaches to help me surpass every limit, and I am lucky enough to be trusted with someone else's quality equipment.

After reading this you might think, "Damn, that's a lot of I's!" and I agree with you, but it is for a dreamy reason. I have been part of a team and school the entire time I was in Florida so that being said, I'd like to focus on myself and discover what I can do.
For now I'll leave it to that as I have had time to adjust to my new surroundings and getting close to very important regattas.

Growing up here around Olympians and elite level athletes from all sports, INSEP has been an important place in my family's life. Being part of this tight nit family is very exceptional as my mom trained there too so it is extremely upsetting to watch such amazing athletes and champions lose their lives in a tragic accident that still seems surreal. Rest in peace Alexis Vastine, Camille Muffat, Florence Arthaud


Much love.

Amazing Times

I can't say that I've had too many great training/regatta trips in my life but this was probably the best. Reason is, our crew was tight, we enjoyed each other's company, and we raced for one another. Of course this Dad Vail regatta was one of the toughest I have heard of but that didn't mean we were out of sight. During the actual tune up before the regatta in South Jersey, we started out a little frustrated which usually happens when you drive over 10 hours in a van with little space. As the days went on and the gap was closing between us and the Schuykill, we found more speed and confidence. For me it is imperative to leave that lake on a good note. The trip itself was a lot of fun. We stayed in Brigantine at an alumni's parents' house aka kid heaven! A lot to keep us occupied for sure. On the last day, we got to walk around the casinos and the AC boardwalk to get some air. Why would you let us go on a boardwalk with a 99 cents store? I don't know!

The regatta itself was nerve-wracking. We started the heats with Drexel (Dad Vail champs) knowing that only one could advance straight to the semis. The reps were classic Philly organization with the 3 fastest boats in one rep and all other no name schools having the race of their lifetime winning 10 seconds slower than us. Knowing that Bucknell and Purdue were going to go for first place, we had to go for it as it were a final. Bucknell moved through us and Purdue nipped us by 0.3 which we had done to them at SIRA. I cannot stand letting that team beat us, especially after last year! But we were heading to the semis with FIT and Grand Valley, with top two advancing to the final. Attainable? Yes. Were we ready yet, apparently not. We had a great race, but it wasn't enough. Making another B final was definitely not part of my vision and I was angry, but the B final was going to be just as tough: Temple, Purdue, and Bucknell. We were in lane 3 and this time, we had decided that enough was enough and that we needed to stop being so passive about our racing. This is how the final went.

We're sitting at the blocks, lane 3. Temple up on us (there is a turn on this course), Purdue on our left, and all the others to me were just there to fill in. I remember telling myself that we needed to hit the start well enough to stay ahead. This time we were ready at the start. Beep! Temple and us took off real well. I saw them take a few inches and I was not happy so we kept the rating high. I had never wanted to see that damn bridge so much in my life. When we did, our move was so well done that we took an entire length on Temple. I saw them struggle, I gave up hope for them. I switched my focus back to the boat making sure that the black and yellow would not come back up on us. Trust me, they tried, and we made it hell for them. I cannot find the words that represent or describe the emotions in every move we took, but it felt good. Our plan was finally working, on the last race. They pushed us, and we said no until the very last stroke. I was so content with my mates. 5 seconds on Temple (no one likes them!) and over 2 seconds on Purdue, which made it that much sweeter. I remember feeling the extremes, pain and happiness, with a touch of accomplishment. Once I came back to reality, we spoke to Drexel and found out they had won as well as FIT finishing 3rd. What a great moment! We were proud that they had won. Everyone on the course happy we had won as well.

After a long trip back to Jax, we took two days to rest, allowing me to go home, to see friends and family. I think that was much needed for me, it took a huge load off my shoulders. But it was time to come back to the boathouse and race within ourselves to see who was going to represent the dolphins in the IRA 4+. Seat racing is probably my favorite thing to do. I might not put up great numbers on the erg, but when it comes to the water I love it. Adjusting to each crew and pushing the limits, my limits, their limits. I wanted to make a statement day one and did throughout the week. So the final crew going will be David WAUGH (cox), Preston WEINARD, Scott WAITLEY, Brian COSMILLO, and I. The others (Maycee DIONEDA, Andrew STEBBINS, Chase ROWE, Jeremy SOBIECH, Shane KENNEDY, Nathan ESTERLINE) who put up a good fight and have a lot to be proud of, are staying to keep us and themselves fit and race ready. This is super exciting and nerve-pounding, but if it wasn't would we be doing it? Nah!

We will be heading to Sacramento on the 29th. Thank you to the coaches and teammates for fundraising, and especially the alumni for being such great supporters. We will make you proud!
For now, back to training. Enjoy the pictures from the last few weeks!